age realization…happy half-year birthday!

age realization…happy half-year birthday!

Happy half-year birthday to me!

I realized last night that yesterday was my half-year birthday…yep my birthday is February 17. Mark your calendars!

“So what?” you ask. Well I’m nearing one of those dreaded birthdays that end in a “9”. I hate them!!! For me they are worse than the decade marker. It begins a full year of impending doom of the big one. Oh, I can’t believe I’m even going to admit it now…but yes I’m going to be 50 in eighteen months minus one day.

Minna, one of my blogger friends just turned 40. I always get a chuckle reading her blog and the woes of approaching the big 4-0 birthday. I would think “try being me…approaching the big 5-0”. There I’ve now admitted it twice!

Does it matter? It matters to me! And I have no doubt it mattered to my friends that have already turned 50 and it will matter to those that will get there before me. I don’t feel that old. I remember when I was barely a teen and I thought 24 was old…goodness 50 is more than double 24!

I know, I know…it’s just a number! But it’s a really BIG number. It’s so big my mother doesn’t even want me to admit how old I am. When I turned 40 she started saying she was 19 when she popped me out (she was 20) so she could shave a year off of her own age.  When I called her out on it her rebuttal was: “well I was pregnant pretty much the whole time I was 19”.

I have a theory on how men vs. women handle the big decade birthdays… I believe that men have a list in their head of the things they thought they would accomplish in life and each time they hit one of the “big” birthdays they review the list. Since they are logical beings they simply start crossing things off the list or making the appropriate life adjustments or corrections to get back on track.

Women…we are not that sensible. We are emotional beings. It would be so much easier if I had a list in my head that I could simply review and then implement directional corrections to get on track. Nope! I’m going to, if I can’t help myself, enter a year of pre-mourning the big 5-0 for my entire 49th year of life. By the time I have my 50th birthday it will be no big deal.

I’m nervous about what drastic emotional steps I might end up taking. Heck I’m already a cliche for a midlife adjustment (crisis). I admitted having a midlife crisis recently in one of my blogs. I actually did a little research to see what Google had to say about the subject. If you missed that blog click here to review it.

Why am I nervous? Who knows what else I’m capable of? I’ve got the convertible, I’ve willingly extended my unemployment status way too long, I’ve gone blonde (I know some of you thought the blonde hair was natural), I’ve lost a lot of weight, tried juvederm and botox (yes! I have and I will do it again!), I’m working on getting certified as a personal trainer, and I’m still convinced that I do not need to return to the corporate beast to make a living.

I’m afraid to go see the new Julia Roberts’ movie: “Eat, Pray, Love”. Who knows I might wake up in some foreign country wondering how I got there. At times I already feel like I’m watching myself (in a movie) thinking: “what the?” It’s almost like I’m getting to know myself for the first time. I realize it’s because my paradigm has undergone a huge shift so I’m looking at life differently, but WOW this age realization is a hell of a ride!

The good news? I never have regrets! And I’m certainly not going to start now. So I take each day and experience as it comes. I believe in fate and that I’m where I’m supposed by right now…right time, right place. (Oh yeah, I’m still going to be mourning turning 50. But I will come out the other side okay.)

What does all of this have to do with my fitbattle journey? Nothing and everything! Learning to love myself and care for myself is what got me here. My physical well being plays a big role in my emotional well being…so it’s all relevant.

Until tomorrow! Kathi