the “buttocks” button on the massage chair

the “buttocks” button on the massage chair

The massage chairs at the nail salons have come a long way and they have gone just a little too far!!!

(This post has absolutely nothing to do with my fitbattle…but since I played hooky all weekend it’s all I’ve got.)

A “girl’s weekend” wouldn’t be complete without a girl’s outing for mani’s and pedi’s…

A little disclaimer for the men…we’ve attempted to explain this to a couple of men and for some reason it just doesn’t translate well. I’m gonna try again, but I cannot guarantee that you are gonna get it or find the humor in it.

We arrived for our mani’s and pedi’s at 10 AM on Saturday morning. As can be expected, although we had reservations, they were not ready for us. Gals you know it’s pretty much protocol for nail salons. They say “yes, yes, yes” and what they mean is “yes…come in with a reservation and we’ll still treat you like a walk in”. The good news? We were the first three mani/pedi customers and the “technicians rolled in shortly after our arrival.

They got the water going and put us in the massage chairs one by one. I was the first to sit down. (Note…we were using a new salon that has only been open several months at the most. And my friend Sheila had mentioned that she goes to this salon.) Melissa was next in a chair and then my friend Kathy (we call her George).

I was the first person to experience the new “buttocks” feature of the massage chair. First it was pressing up against the outside of my thighs and as I looked at the controls I found some buttons that adjusted the width of the thigh massage.

Then I felt it… What the? (Okay guys this is the point in which you may want to stop reading!)

It felt like two or three knuckles of a small fist pressing up into my crotch (yes I said crotch…all other words to describe the area that was being “massaged” are a little too x-rated). Way too close for comfort. I looked at Melissa and asked “do you feel that?” I’m looking at her and then back at my chair controls…trying to figure out what I do next. Melissa thinks I’m talking about the thigh massage…since she sat down a few moments after me she was not yet benefiting from the fist in the crotch.

All the sudden…I hear a small “yelp” from Melissa. Now she knows what I’m talking about. George is looking at the two of us like we are crazy. Melissa and I are now both trying to figure out what we do about this violation. My nail technician’s English was limited. Thankfully the gal that was working on Melissa’s pedi was fluent in English and she instructed us to push the “buttocks” button on the controller.

All the sudden…George yelps…ah ha…now she understands what all the commotion is all about. By now Melissa and I were strategically waiting for the “fist” to be in the down position before we hit the “buttocks” button and put a stop to the crotch massage (this was NO buttocks massage). A buttocks massage would have been in the region of our butt cheeks…well that’s at least what I would expect.

We got a good laugh out of this. Melissa’s gal says “no one likes it”. Hmm I’m thinking… How the heck does a chair with this feature make it all the way to a nail salon? Really! Who thought this the “buttocks” feature was appropriate or a good idea? You’ve gotta wonder if there’s not a hidden camera somewhere in the salon recording the customer response. If there’s anyone out there that would actually appreciate this feature the only place it should be enjoyed is in the privacy of their home…definitely not in a nail salon.

Then you gotta wonder… Are there women that actually like this feature? Maybe they act as though it’s “unwelcomed” but then push the “buttocks” button again and enjoy their pedi and massage? Ugh! I don’t want to think about it.

Until tomorrow! Kathi

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