Not again!

“Not again what?” You’re wondering. Another breakup… yep!

I know I said I wouldn’t write about “the breakup” but I did worn you that I was going to give dating another go. And I did just that and here I am again… another breakup.

I’ve been on the fence regarding how much of my dating life is appropriate to share on my fitbattle blog. Overall I’ve not shared much while I’m dating someone. The breakups take quite a toll and I feel they’re worth mentioning.

When I first started dating my recent ex (I’ll call Larry whom I had high hopes for…too) I unpublished a couple of my blogs that I wrote about my previous breakup. I didn’t want Larry (just in case he took time to read my blog) to come across them and read about how sad and pitiful I was during that time.

I republished the blogs today…after all they document an important part of my journey. Life has ups and downs… it’s important how you handle both. Yes I realize that there’s a possibility that Larry might read this and those older blogs but this is what I do. I write about the things going on in my life that affect my fitbattle and hope that sharing my life and fitbattle experiences might help someone else cope with their own stuff.

Larry is different, special, refreshing. Dating him helped me realize what was missing in my previous relationship…some very important things. It’s like everything that was missing Larry offered. I felt safer…less vulnerable. In my last relationship I felt like every date could be the last one. With Larry I always knew he would be there and we’d see each other again. He made me feel wanted and missed when we were not together. (Just to name a few things.)

Yes… sadly with all that said I find myself single again.

This time around (meaning this breakup) I’m not as sad…thank goodness. I’m guessing it’s because my head won’t let my heart go through that again. And maybe I’ve been toughened up a little from my previous breakup experience. I’m pretty sure this is a good thing since I don’t think I could go back to that sad place…it was awful.

That doesn’t mean that I’m okay. Well actually I’m okay, but I’m not good. I am sad, I am upset, and mostly I’m disappointed. Larry has been my best friend for the last few months and now I have to let him go.

“Okay… I know this is a fitbattle blog… not a dating blog… but this is what’s happening to me right now, today, tomorrow, last week. It has consumed me for the last few weeks and the only way I can think of to move on is to write it down (type it out). I was hopeful that Larry and I could find our way back to the way things were when we first started dating and be a couple but as of last night I’ve lost hope for a happy ending with Larry. 🙁  I know you read my blog because I provide fitbattle inspiration and humor, but sometimes the fitbattle hits a blip… you know… life gets in the way… so here I am.”

Like my last breakup I’ve done the only thing I know to do…throw myself back into my fitbattle. While Larry and I were dating I went from 9-10 gym visits a week to 6-7. Those three less workouts each week can definitely add up… let’s say to 1000 less calories that I’m burning.

Add in a little less attention to my nutrition and voila those pounds I gained after my last breakup, the holiday eating, and my post holiday/breakup blahs… plus a few more happy dating pounds… my jeans are way too tight!

Needless to say I’ve got some work to do on the fitbattle-grounds. So my plan is to get back to my 9-10 workouts per week, get my nutrition back on track (which I’ve already done), and do my best to get over Larry as soon as my heart will let me.

Larry was a blessing and I miss him terribly! I’m going to have faith that this is all part of God’s master plan. In the meantime I’ll focus on me for a little while and see if I can’t get back to my pre-breakups (yes plural) weight.

The fitbattle continues… until later… Kathi

12 thoughts on “Not again!

  1. Deitra

    I agree with your theory that to be fit, you must be fit mentally, emotionally and physically. If one of those 3 areas is being traumatized, it becomes a domino effect. I know that the unhappy times in my past marriage allowed me to not pay attention to my fitness, as the brain and the heart are too overwhelming and definitely control the body;however, when you are fit, it helps the healing process and gives you the strength to carry on forward, believing in yourself and your goal in being fit.

    I send you many good wishes for a fit and happy lifestyle, my friend, and know that I am a more fit and better person for having you in my life, especially when I am experiencing the same ups and downs that a relationship can unfortunately throw our way.

    1. kathi Post author

      Ah… and it’s friends like you that help me get through the tough times! Thanks for the kind words!!! And you know that you can lean on me anytime.

  2. Logan

    You need two things.

    1. CrossFit
    2. Eat Paleo

    9-10 times a weeks?! How do you find the time?

    On a serious note, CrossFit is perfect for you. Like minded fit people who socialize and enjoy crazy workouts. A perfect place to meet someone or just make a new group of friends.

    Paleo…. Just read up a little on it, call Jona if you need recipes or tips. She is the queen at it. I lost 11 lbs, the first month doing it, that was with a DECREASE in the number of workouts each week.

    Overall, you want to get strong and fit? You only need these two things.

    PS – I KNOW you will like CrossFit, just give it a shot.

    1. kathi Post author

      Hi there Logan… good to hear from you! I’ll check out both. Teresa and Elliott have talked a lot about Paleo… I really need to check into it further. Congrats on losing the 11 lbs. that’s no small accomplishment… I know! Kathi

  3. Mom

    O.K., I read your blog post. I’m glad you brought God into at some point. That is a big part of your life and I’m sure brings you peace. Anyway, I know heartache; and I don’t like to think about it for me, and certainly not for you. So, I’ll be trite instead…bittersweet, it was good, but it didn’t last…All things happen for a reason…people come into your life for a reason, a season, or forever…One door closes, and another opens. My favorite: The best is yet to be! Go with that one!
    Love from your Mom

    1. kathi Post author

      Thanks Mom! I luv you too!!!! And I like the “reason, season, lifetime” poem myself.

  4. Krista

    Great blog, sis! You are such a strong woman – which is just one of the many reasons I have always looked up to you and wanted to be just like you. The love you give people is so rare and special and some cases sometimes makes me mad! You give no judgement and go into things with such an open heart. The right man will come and when he does you will know that it is him. There will be no worrying, no doubt, no wondering if he is the one – You’ll just know and I can’t wait to be there when it happens.

    Can you hurry up though … you need a date to the wedding. 😉 just kidding!

    1. kathi Post author

      Ah… you are soooo sweet. I’ll do my best to find the “right man” by the wedding… but no promises. Apparently you cannot rush these things. 😉

  5. Logan

    Kathi,
    That’s awesome that Teresa and Elliot eat Paleo, definitely check it out. 11 lbs was in the first month, I’m up to 27 lbs now. For a great start read ‘The Paleolithic Solution’ by Robb Wolff. Also, I promise if you start CrossFit you will get addicted.

    Hope all is well, keep it up!
    Logan