“Not again what?” You’re wondering. Another breakup… yep!
I know I said I wouldn’t write about “the breakup” but I did worn you that I was going to give dating another go. And I did just that and here I am again… another breakup.
I’ve been on the fence regarding how much of my dating life is appropriate to share on my fitbattle blog. Overall I’ve not shared much while I’m dating someone. The breakups take quite a toll and I feel they’re worth mentioning.
When I first started dating my recent ex (I’ll call Larry whom I had high hopes for…too) I unpublished a couple of my blogs that I wrote about my previous breakup. I didn’t want Larry (just in case he took time to read my blog) to come across them and read about how sad and pitiful I was during that time.
I republished the blogs today…after all they document an important part of my journey. Life has ups and downs… it’s important how you handle both. Yes I realize that there’s a possibility that Larry might read this and those older blogs but this is what I do. I write about the things going on in my life that affect my fitbattle and hope that sharing my life and fitbattle experiences might help someone else cope with their own stuff.
Larry is different, special, refreshing. Dating him helped me realize what was missing in my previous relationship…some very important things. It’s like everything that was missing Larry offered. I felt safer…less vulnerable. In my last relationship I felt like every date could be the last one. With Larry I always knew he would be there and we’d see each other again. He made me feel wanted and missed when we were not together. (Just to name a few things.)
Yes… sadly with all that said I find myself single again.
This time around (meaning this breakup) I’m not as sad…thank goodness. I’m guessing it’s because my head won’t let my heart go through that again. And maybe I’ve been toughened up a little from my previous breakup experience. I’m pretty sure this is a good thing since I don’t think I could go back to that sad place…it was awful.
That doesn’t mean that I’m okay. Well actually I’m okay, but I’m not good. I am sad, I am upset, and mostly I’m disappointed. Larry has been my best friend for the last few months and now I have to let him go.
“Okay… I know this is a fitbattle blog… not a dating blog… but this is what’s happening to me right now, today, tomorrow, last week. It has consumed me for the last few weeks and the only way I can think of to move on is to write it down (type it out). I was hopeful that Larry and I could find our way back to the way things were when we first started dating and be a couple but as of last night I’ve lost hope for a happy ending with Larry. 🙁 I know you read my blog because I provide fitbattle inspiration and humor, but sometimes the fitbattle hits a blip… you know… life gets in the way… so here I am.”
Like my last breakup I’ve done the only thing I know to do…throw myself back into my fitbattle. While Larry and I were dating I went from 9-10 gym visits a week to 6-7. Those three less workouts each week can definitely add up… let’s say to 1000 less calories that I’m burning.
Add in a little less attention to my nutrition and voila those pounds I gained after my last breakup, the holiday eating, and my post holiday/breakup blahs… plus a few more happy dating pounds… my jeans are way too tight!
Needless to say I’ve got some work to do on the fitbattle-grounds. So my plan is to get back to my 9-10 workouts per week, get my nutrition back on track (which I’ve already done), and do my best to get over Larry as soon as my heart will let me.
Larry was a blessing and I miss him terribly! I’m going to have faith that this is all part of God’s master plan. In the meantime I’ll focus on me for a little while and see if I can’t get back to my pre-breakups (yes plural) weight.
The fitbattle continues… until later… Kathi