if only i had an “easy” button…

if only i had an “easy” button…

daily fitbattle #1535

I find it frustrating how life’s hurdles affect everything… including my fitness. There are so many things in life that can knock us off course: financial issues, work stuff, relationships, kids, family, car problems…I could go on and on.

A friend of mine and I always joke about how great it would be if we could take a pill that makes us forget an ex or a situation or experience that results in us getting stuck.

What if we could simply press a reset button? You know…like the Staples “Easy” button. I suppose if it were that easy then we would miss the lessons that life provides us and we’d sacrifice memories of the good stuff.

It’s up to us then to work our way through life’s challenges. So that’s what I’m doing. The downside is that while I’m distracted with life I end up taking my eye off the “fitness” ball.

What slice of life experience has knocked me off course? A couple things…I’ve been on a sabbatical (unemployed) for almost two years now (yes I stayed out of work by choice) and two breakups back to back.

A year ago I reentered the dating world after an extended break. There are many reasons why I stopped looking for “Mr. Right”, but suddenly I was ready to start looking again.

I’m not sure what did it, but just like when I decided to get fit, a switch flipped in my head and i decided to give dating another go. It was amazing…almost immediately upon making the decision voila…I met a guy and we started dating.

Dating caused a distraction to my routine but I managed to stay on target with my fitbattle and studies (to become a certified Personal Trainer) until the breakup.

That first breakup knocked me off my feet. I felt lost for a while. I know in hindsight that I gained more than I lost from the experience…but man that breakup was painful!

I was determined to not to give up and I joined a couple of dating websites. I sifted, winked, messaged, and talked to a whole bunch of prospects and ended up going on about ten first dates. Eventually I met a guy that seemed to be a near perfect match.

Fast forward…I found myself going through another breakup. This one hurt but not as bad. I’m not sure why… maybe because my breakup senses were still numb from the last breakup. It still knocked me off my feet…again!

If only…I had an “Easy” button that I could push and it would wipe away the sense of loss and sadness and leave the good stuff. Instead it’s up to me.

How am I handling it? I spend time with friends, hit the gym as much as possible, and I’ve buckled down on my studies. Bottom line…I’m staying busy and focusing on the future. I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and I’m looking forward to what the future holds for me.

Until later… Kathi

3 thoughts on “if only i had an “easy” button…

  1. enforcer

    Hi there,
    I couldn’t help but comment because your story seems similar to mine. I’ve been on a sabattical for two years as well, and experienced two major breakups within the last three years. You seem to have a healthy, strong attitude towards your life and I admire you.

    I left my corporate job two years ago in search of finding myself and to begin a journey of healing. Before I left my job, I broke off my wedding engagement because I was unhappy in that relationship. I grieved for a few years, and felt some heavy emotions that required professional help. I told myself that I was sick of dating all these years, and would accept that I might never find someone close to my heart. The risk of another breakup was just to painful to consider.

    Seven months ago, I randomly met someone that I fell in love with, and made me so happy despite being unemployed and feeling purposeless. Although I still felt a void in my life, this person made me feel like it was possible to love again and made me want to take that chance. Two weeks ago, he suddenly left me, supposedly in search of his dreams, and later I found out that he decieved me to satisfy his short term needs, and had planned on dropping me all along. He did all the right things and gave me what I wanted in a man. Only to act like he wanted to have nothing to do with me as he fled to another city. He treated me with respect and warm affection up until the day before he broke up with me.

    I feel so hopeless because I had faith/hope that things would turn around after being in a miserable career for six years, relationship troubles, friendships growing apart, leaving a toxic job, losing financial security, etc. The wound is fresh, I know, but how did u manage to find hope and strength to move forward? I feel like all my mental energy was directed towards making me a stronger person, searching for purpose, years before I met this last guy. Seems like a person can’t make up hope when needs aren’t being met and life doesn’t seem to be turning around despite all my efforts. I thought that I had healed from previous setbacks and started to feel strong, yet cautious when I met this last guy. So frustrated and hopeless and can’t find work.

    1. kathi Post author

      Hello Enforcer… I’ve done a lot of googling, reading, talking to figure out how to recover from a broken heart so here’s my advice:

      1. It’s okay to feel…you can’t avoid it so you might as well embrace it
      2. write two lists…
      a. list gifts or good things about your ex and/or the relationship…when you are feeling hopeless look at this list
      b. list why your ex wasn’t right for you (things that bothered you)…when you are sad look at the list and know that you deserve better

      3. keep yourself busy…with friends & family, cleaning/projects around the house, doing something nice for yourself
      4. find a friend (or two) that doesn’t recite a bunch of cliches to you and ask if you can call or text them when you are feeling weak or sad
      5. find a way to hold onto faith/hope that this is preparing you for what’s next. if you believe in a higher power you must believe that this is part of the master plan for your life. i pray a lot!!!
      6. I’m speculating…but I bet if you really thought about where you were emotionally 2 years ago vs. today, even with all the sadness you are feeling about this breakup, I bet you are stronger and in a better place emotionally. you WILL be able to pull yourself through this. if you had the courage to break off an engagement and leave a corporate job that was sucking the soul out of you you are STRONG!!!
      7. two books that i read that helped with my breakups: “the soulmate secret” and “act like a lady, think like a man”. the second book is by Steve Harvey and it left me feeling empowered
      8. the gym…working out is like a drug. it’s amazing how much better i feel after spending an hour at the gym. if necessary go to the gym 2 x’s per day. you have the time right now so no excuses.

      on the job front I don’t think I’m the best person to give you advice but hope and faith go a long way when facing all of life’s challenges.

      I hope this helps you as you search for hope and inspiration on your journey. Kathi

  2. enforcer

    Thanks, Kathi. Thank you for taking the time to respond and for providing some really useful and thought inspired advice. Appreciate it!

    Funny how some people repeat cliches that make you feel even more hopeless and frustrated. Am looking forward to checking out those books you recommended. I find that reading books is a good relief for loneliness as well.